True to form, I skipped the black-eyed peas and pork this year. I have, however, resolved to do some things differently. This is the year of me, I have decided. My over-arching resolution is to be more selfish.
That does not mean that my children will wear holes in their pants while I spend like there's no tomorrow on purses. It does not mean that I will turn my back on the poor or that I will close down my compost pile and buy my own personal land-fill.
What it does mean is that I will grow up, at the tender age of 35, and build a home for my dreams. It means that I will look at what I want, and what I need to do to get there, and that I will set boundaries that are respectful of those wants and needs.
There's a lot I want to accomplish in my life. I want this to be the year that I get well on my way to accomplishing those things. They are, after all, worthwhile things.
So!
I haven't made resolutions, per se. But here are my areas for improvement for 201o:
1. Fitness: I have had a long and tortured history with diet and exercise, starting with anorexia when I was 10 and ending with indifference in my 30's. This year, I intend to do exercise that energizes and excites me, and to eat foods that are healthful and enjoyable. And that means bento boxes! I fully intend to spend worthwhile time and money on bento gear and food that makes healthful eating an adventure. I also intend to take as many belly dance classes as I possibly can.
2. Home: I intend to make the renovations that are important to me, even if I have to do it myself, and even if they are not perfect.
3. Fun: I intend to have fun being alive in 2010, with no regard to societal expectations or outmoded models of etiquette.
4. Writing: I intend to put my writing out into the world in some way or another. I intend to fearlessly pursue my craft with joy.
5. Family: I intend to enjoy my family, without worrying about whether I am failing them or whether someone else knows better than I do how to care for them. I intend to control what I can--which is really my own actions and attitudes--and leave the rest to them.
All of this falls under one basic category: valuing myself as much as I value any other human being, and living a life of fearlessness and adventure. I will have set backs. I will lack confidence on some days. But I am going to live fully.
For so many years, I have obsessed with the legacy I will leave my children. Will they, I wonder, have everything they need when they leave my home? What values do I need to instill in them to prepare them for life? I have concluded that, like most parents, I want happiness for my children more than anything. It seems to me that the best way to make sure that they know how to be happy is to show them that I can be. So come on, 2010! I'm ready!
